You know what? This whole Mommy thing is freaking hard! I know, ummm... duh! Right? But seriously, its just hard, all the way around.
It's hard having your sleep schedule dictated by someone else. It's hard getting regular old every day stuff done, even like eating, let alone dishes, with an infant demanding your attention at every moment.
You know what else is hard. Getting out of Mommy brain mode! Here I am, 8:00 at night, the baby has been asleep since 6:30 or so and I can not for the life of me fathom what I should do with my time!
Ummm... hello Jennefer! Do something for yourself! So I decide I want to write something for my little blog here and you know what? I can't come up with a single topic not baby related!
So I guess I'm writing about how I don't know what to write about.
A couple weeks ago I had a crazy dream. I had a dream that when my son was born he had a twin. But in the dream I had forgotten all about the twin. Somehow someone had reminded me about him or I found him somewhere in the house or something crazy like that, not really sure, you know, dream logic and all. Anyway I became reminded of his exsistance and he was all small and weak. His muscles were atrophied and shriveled and I was freaking out that I had not been feeding this other baby and started to nurse him right away alternating between him and my son. I was all upset because I could not even remember his name. I knew he had a name, we gave him a name when he was born but I couldn't remember it.
I'm not sure exactly what I think about dream interpretation but every time I have a strange dream like this one I can't help but look up what it might mean.
Sometimes it gives me insight and sometimes it doesn't. This one did. I looked it up on DreamMoods.com my favorite dream interpretation resource and this is what stood out to me: "forgetting about a baby represents an aspect of yourself that you have abandoned or put aside due to life's changing circumstances. The dream may serve as a reminder that it is time for you to pick up that old interest, hobby, or project again."
Sounds about right. I have abandoned just about every aspect of myself due to "life's changing circumstances". Having a baby will do that to you you know. No way around it, infants are all consuming. He depends on me for everything and my every waking thought and action is dedicated to meeting his needs.
I know I will write about baby stuff on this blog. It's a part of my life, I'm a Mommy now. But I have no intention of turning this into a baby blog! I have other thoughts and ideas too! Other interests! Other things to say! I just can't seem to remember what they are right now....
It's in there somewhere, trying to come out. My dreams are telling me to pull it out but at the moment I've got nothing.
I'm sure it will come to me, but in the meantime this is all I've got. A desire to express myself, and not much to say. I'll keep writing and posting and trying... it will come out I'm sure.
I've got to feed that starving baby!