Thursday, November 14, 2013

I have some time, so here I am

We go through these phases around here.  We will have times where everything seems to be going smoothly, sleep is going relativly well, naps are consistant and not too much trouble. I have time to keep the house picked up and just generally feel somewhat normal.  It's hard but normal hard. Reasonable hard.  What you would expect life with a toddler to be like hard.

And then out of nowhere we hit some sort of bump. His night time sleep becomes more difficult, either having a hard time going to sleep, unable to sleep out of my arms, more frequent wakings, middle of the night parties (I'm up Mom! Lets play! I don't know it's 2 am!) or very early rising (4 am) or all of these together. Naps usually get out of hand when this all happens as well. He will become just generally more needy, wanting to be held and nurse all day long. 

It just gets really hard all of a sudden.  Really hard! Unreasonably hard!  I'm going to lose my mind hard!  I can't get enough sleep, the house is beyond a wreck, I don't have any time to myself, I can't think two steps ahead because I am so involved with just surviving this moment hard! 

There is a lot of crying all around. 

And then out of nowhere it starts to lift.  He sleeps well and so do I so I don't feel the need to take a nap for the first time in weeks.  We have a couple nights like that and the house gets picked up some, I spend some time reading, I start to feel sane. I start to think about things a bit more. I start to actually reflect  and processes my thoughts some.

That's when I come back here.

My son is taking a much needed nap right now, in his crib on his own (yay!).  I slept pretty well last night and the last few nights.  My house is picked up at least so I don't feel so claustrophobic with clutter.  And so here I am.

I know I need to make the most of this time.  I don't know how long it will last so I need to make sure I do things that fuel me first.  Take some time to reflect, process, express.  It is so much more important than all the laundry I have to do around here.  That can wait.

I really don't have much to say. I don't really have a post in mind that I have been wanting to write.  No special topic.  Well I do, there is always something to write about, but I don't quite have the brain power to sort it all out just now. I just couldn't let that stop me from writing a bit today. So here I am just kind of blabbering I guess. 

As this blog has developed it has really become a wonderful tool for me. To have a place to reflect, process and express my thoughts.  It is a powerful practice that I wish I used more frequently.

There is a ton of research out there showing the health benefits of journaling, both mental and physical.  I would dig up some links but I don't have quite that much brainpower or time on my hands at the moment, but trust me, it's out there.

Thank you for reading.  Thank you for giving me this space to express myself when I have the brain power to do so.  Thank you for the fuel to make it through.

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